Hobart and William Smith Colleges

20 June 2013 Kingery on Safe Sleepovers

Associate Professor of Psychology Julie Newman Kingery was recently quoted in an article in Carolina Parent which provided advice to parents for Safe, Sane Sleepovers for children of all ages.

Whether a sleepover is a childs first or fifteenth, it can be filled with nerves and questions, writes the articles author Malia Jacobson. She breaks down expert advice by age in what she refers to as a guide to sleepover success.

For children ages 5 to 11, Kingery says at this age a childs individual temperament guides parents decision as to whether or not to accept the first sleepover invitations. The article notes, Consider your childs personality, developmental level and previous experiences, suggests Kingery, who has researched childrens homesickness in sleep-away situations. For timid children, practice sleepover experiences like attending a movie night at a pals home or hosting a sleepover with one close friend can boost the chances of sleepover success.

For older children, ages 12 to 18, Kingery highlights issues of safety. Open communication with your teen, as well as with the parents of your teens friends, is crucial for a successful, safe sleepover, she is quoted.

The article continues, Before the sleepover, parents should recap their family rules about curfews, drinking and co-ed parties, says Kingery. Remind your child that she can call you at any time to be picked up early if anything at the sleepover makes her uncomfortable or would violate family rules. Keep your cell phone on and nearby, then (try to) rest easy knowing your child can contact you if needed.

Kingery received her B.A. from the University of Richmond, her Ph.D. from the University of Maine and did her postdoctoral work at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. She specializes in developmental and clinical psychology. She has prior teaching experience as an affiliate faculty member at Loyola College in Maryland and an instructor at the University of Maine. During her postdoctoral fellowship at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Kingery participated in several National Institute of Mental Health grant funded studies evaluating the effectiveness of anxiety prevention and treatment programs for youth. Her research interests include exploring the influence of peer relationships on childrens adjustment (particularly across the middle school transition), identifying risk factors for anxiety, and evaluating outcomes of school and community-based programs for youth.

The full article follows.

Carolina Parent
Growing Up: Safe, Sane Sleepovers
Malia Jacobson June 1, 2013

Belly butterflies, anxious goodbyes, perhaps a tear or two. No, youre not sending your first child away to college. Youre dropping him off for his first sleepover away from home.

Whether a sleepover is a childs first or fifteenth, it can be filled with nerves and questions. Will your child suffer from extreme homesickness? Will she be safe and follow your familys rules? Will the experience be a positive, happy one or a major headache? Read on for an age-by-age guide to sleepover success.

0-4
To Grandmas House We Go

A childs first sleepover is often at a relatives home in fact, many little ones begin having overnights at Grandmas place during babyhood. Though new parents may be desperate for some alone time (or simply a full nights sleep), its never a good idea to rush the first overnight visit, says certified parenting coach Phyllis R. DAgostino.

First, ensure that your relative is ready and willing to take on nighttime care for a young child. Round-the-clock childcare can seem strenuous for those who arent used to it. Have the grandparents over to your home to take part in the childs nighttime routine beforehand, says DAgostino. On the big day, send a detailed description of the childs diet and daily routine along with a security blanket or toy. When its time to say goodbye, dont sneak out this could compromise trust later on.

5-11
Fun, Not Frazzled

In elementary school, the sleepover social scene is in full swing, with first invitations rolling in around age 5 or 6. Whether you accept or decline depends on your childs temperament, says Julie Newman Kingery, an associate professor of psychology at Hobart and William Smith Colleges. Consider your childs personality, developmental level and previous experiences, suggests Kingery, who has researched childrens homesickness in sleep-away situations. For timid children, practice sleepover experiences like attending a movie night at a pals home or hosting a sleepover with one close friend can boost the chances of sleepover success.

To host a successful sleepover party for school-age children, start with a manageable guest list (maybe three to five kids), and ensure that you have contact information for guests parents on hand. Agree on a reasonably late bedtime and plan a few fun activities, like a build-your-own pizza dinner. Be prepared to have fun, says DAgostino and to be a little tired the day after.

12-18
Sleepover Safety

When tweens and teens sleep away from home, safety should be on parents minds, says Kingery. Open communication with your teen, as well as with the parents of your teens friends, is crucial for a successful, safe sleepover, she says.

Though you may not score cool parent points with your child, its perfectly acceptable to check in with the hosts parents before a planned sleepover to make sure that rules and expectations are consistent across households.

Before the sleepover, parents should recap their family rules about curfews, drinking and co-ed parties, says Kingery. Remind your child that she can call you at any time to be picked up early if anything at the sleepover makes her uncomfortable or would violate family rules. Keep your cell phone on and nearby, then (try to) rest easy knowing your child can contact you if needed.

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health journalist and mom.